Friday is for Fathers

“give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. (Romans 12:17)  This verse is true for both mother’s and father’s, but especially father’s as we are called to be leaders and our children will be looking to our example as we lead.  As father’s we are called to do what is right and worthy of honor as that is a great witness to Christ.  Our children will learn much about who God is through out actions.  As I read the following story from “The Peacemaker,” by Ken Sande, I found myself praying for the Gosselin family from “Jon and Kate plus 8″ and wishing they could read this.

When John’s wife, Karen, divorced him and moved in with her high school sweetheart, John was devastated, especially when his church refused to do anything to try to save their marriage.  But he drew on God’s grace and resisted the temptation to give in to self-pity or bitterness.  He refused to criticize Karen, especially in front of their children.  He bent over backwards to accommodate their ever-changing visitation schedule.  Most of all, he continued to pray for Karen, and whenever they talked with each other, he asked God to help him speak to her with genuine love and gentleness.

After about a year, Karen and her boyfriend were fighting continually.  As she compared his behavior to John’s unfailing kindness in the face of her betrayal, she began to realize what a terrible mistake she had made.  With great trepidation she asked John if there was any chance they could get together again.  To her amazement, he said yes and suggested they start counseling with the pastor at his new church.  Eight months later, their children had the joy of seeing their parents renewing their vows and reuniting their family.

Whether Karen came back to him or not, John’s decision to keep doing what was right honored God.  His behavior was also a powerful witness to his children about the love of forgiveness of Crhist.  And he later learned that his example had helped some other divorced people respond to their ex-spouses graciously, even though none of them came back.  As John showed, doing what is right – even inthe face of unjust reatment – is always the safest path to walk.

“Porn Again Christian” discussion

I am having the men in my small group read Mark Driscoll’s book “Porn Again Christian.” This is something that I’ve been wanting to do with them for a while since this book was made available for free online.  Below is the discussion that I prepared for them on the book.

At the end of Chapter 1 Driscoll says:

“God is honest and forthright about the truth and his people must not be so prudish as to try and speak in ways that are holier than their God. In our age of lewdness and perversion we, like our Father, must avoid crassness, while wisely and boldly speaking frankly about the joy and beauty of sexual intimacy when it is confined by the loving directions of the God who created both us and our desires. And, we must refuse to speak in sanitized clinical euphemisms like calling adulteries “affairs,” fornication “dating,” and perverts “partners” because God uses frank words for deplorable sin so we will feel its sickness without anesthesia.”

-Do you see lust as deplorable and sickning as God does? What does it look like to have a right reaction toward this sin?

-Do you view yourself as committing adultery against your future wife when you look lustfully at a woman?

In chapter 3 Driscoll states:

“However, throughout history men have been prone to obey the letter of the law on these matters, while violating the spirit…Practically, this all means that only you and God truly know your heart and, rather than trying to obey legalistic rules, you must be honest about the lusts in your heart and reduce those triggers that stimulate you.”

-very specifically, what does it look like for you to violate the Spirit of God’s commands about lust?

-What are your triggers and how do you fight them?

-Did chapter four change or inform the way you think of the dangers of pornography?

-How did chapter four help you think of what “beauty” is?

-Driscoll says in chapter four “In creation, we see the wise pattern that for every man his standard of beauty is not to be objectified, but rather it should simply be his wife. ” Since you guys are single, what does that mean for your standard of beauty?

-Can masturbation be separated from sexual thoughts? Why is this question important?

-What do you learn from chapter 7 about why and how to fight lust and sexual sin?

-in chapter 2 Driscoll talks about fear of the Lord and uses many verses to help us view sexual sin the way God wants to view it. Does anyone have any questions about these verses? Pray through each verse for greater conviction for ourselves and the singles ministry at CLC

These are the verses that Driscoll uses in chapter 2:

• 1 Peter 4:3
• 1 John 2:15-17
• 1 John 3:9
• 1 Corinthians 5:9-11
• 1 Corinthians 10:8
• 1 Corinthians 6:9-10

Links

Last week I posted a video of a 12 year old girl giving a speech on abortion.  You can read her story here.

Christina points out that in American culture today parents want to know if their kids get a tattoo, but not if their teenager commits murder.

Unfortunately I can’t afford the Logos Bible Software, but I am getting the word out to help Mark Driscoll with sermon transcription.  Read more about their efforts here.

John Piper calls Romans 8 “The Great Eight,” find out more here about how it contains “The Himalaya’s of the Bible.”

This website appears to have some great resources for marriage.  I look forward to digging into it more.

Zach has posted some great tips from Mark Driscoll on how to do family devotionals.  I look forward to implementing these in the future.

Ray Ortlund has some excellent points on what we should do if we want to be used by God.

I am curious if baseball reference dot com will modify their stats pages to reflect the steroid era, so we can see a player’s career average for their career and then also for years when they have confessed or are under suspicion of steroid use.  I wonder what this page would look like if they did that.

As always, don’t forget to check out Koinonia on Wedensday’s for their review of “The God I Don’t Understand.”

By grace we have been saved

I first heard this story on Thursday. I was at the barbershop getting my haircut, when I heard the following on the news:  “Now that Dawnell Batista has filed for a divorce, Richard Batista wants his kidney back as part of his settlement demand. Or, Barbara said Wednesday, his client wants the value of that kidney: An estimated $1.5 million.”  You can read the rest here.

After thinking about this story, it brought to mind the story of Hosea and God’s unrelenting love that He freely gives to His children.  God called Hosea to marry Gomer.  Gomer was an adulterous woman and God knew that she would not be faithful to Hosea.  Despite the fact that Gomer left Hosea and sold herself as a prostitute, God sent Hosea to buy Gomer and continue to have her as his wife.  James Montgomery Boice calls this the second greatest story in the Bible.

Hosea was not like the man in the article above who is bitter and hurt.  Hosea knows that God’s purpose in marriage isn’t our comfort and ease.  Hosea is willing to sacrifice his reputation to glorify God and follow God’s commands.  When Gomer does wrong, He does not seek vengeance or retribution, but is eager to be compassionate.  His compassion isn’t based on Gomer’s worthiness or Gomer coming and asking for compassion, but he is compassionate because God is compassionate.  God shows mercy freely, so Hosea can show mercy and love freely.

God’s purpose in the story of Hosea is to show us a picture of His faithfulness and love.  We are all Hosea’s wife, we have all sinned and committed spiritual adultery.  All of us have hearts that are idol factories and prone to wander and leave the God we love.  None of us can claim complete and perfect faithfulness to our husband who has purchased us and redeemed us with His blood.  Even before He called us to be His own, we were not good enough to be His bride.  We were His enemies and had nothing good to give, but He gave His all for us, to bring us into relationship with Him.

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy,  because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even  when we were dead in our trespasses,  made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and  seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in  kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For  by grace you have been saved  through faith. And this is  not your own doing;  it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:1-9

I have been saved by grace, by unmerited favor.  It is nothing that I deserve.  I was created to be in relationship with God and I rebelled against him.  Even before my first sinful action, I was born in iniquity (Psalm 51).  God still choose me as His own.  It is only because of His unfailing love.  Even now, as I commit sin, I can only cling to and put my hope in grace.  It is His steadfast love that preserves me and gives me assurance that I am forever His!  His love allows me to know perfect love.  Because of His love I know what it looks like to love my wife.  By His love I am empowered to show my family love.  Nothing compares with the depths of His love.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love towardthose who fear him; (Psalm 103:11)

“He will gave man the trees of the forest and iron in the ground.  Then he will give to man the brains to make an axe from the iron to cut down a tree and fashion it into a cross.  He will give man the ability to make hammer and nails, and when man has the cross and the hammer and the nails, the Lord will allow man to take hold of Him and bring Him to that cross; He will stretch out His hands upon it and will allow man to nail to Him to that cross, and in so doing will take the sins of man upon Himself and make it possible for those who have despised and rejected Him to come unto Him and know the joy of sins removed and forgiven, to know the assurance of pardon and eternal life, and to enter into the prospect of the hope of glory with Him forever.  This is even our God, and there is none like unto Him.” Donald Gray Barnhouse on Hosea

Two Years

Earlier this week my beautiful wife and I went away to celebrate our two year anniversary.  You can read more about that trip at her blog.  I know I am late with this, but I wrote her poem as a meager attempt to put into words my heart for her.  I truly consider myself the most blessed man in the world because of her.

Two years of blessings beyond belief,
That I would get to be your husband
And spend every morning waking up next to you.
Each day I find myself more thankful
As I grow in anticipation for our future ahead.

You are my best friend,
The one God picked out for me.
I am confident that by God’s grace,
You will be a godly mother to our children.

Because of you, I am more aware of God’s grace.
I see God’s grace in how you care for me and our home.
Your love, faithfulness and trust mean more to me than you know.

The Holy Spirit shines through you,
As you bear fruit for Him
And cultivate the attributes and characteristic of a godly wife and mother.

Today In History

In 1920 Charlie “Bird” Parker was born

In 1936 John “Maverick” McCain was born

In 1958 Michael Jackson was born (yes, the man is 50)

Most importantly, on this day, in 1983, my lovely wife Laura was born!!!

My love,

I am so thankful for you and am overjoyed to celebrate your birthday with you over these next few days!  You are my best friend and there is no else that I want to be the mother of my children than you.  Your godly example provokes me, the women in our care group and I know that it will do the same for our kids.  Thank you for your heart to see our Savior glorified.  I look forward to walking through these next seven months with you as you carry our child inside of you!  God has gifted you with a compassionate heart and I am eager to see how that is transferred to our children!  You know I never need a special reason to celebrate your birth, but I am glad that today that others get to celebrate you as well.  You are deserving of honor and praise and a gift to all who know you!  Thank you for the blessing that you are in my life!

Love,

Me

“Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.” 1 Timothy 2:11

“Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.” 1 Timothy 2:11

 

Every husband must daily gauge his leadership and ensure that he is leading in a way that allows his wife to be submissive.  Male leadership is a gift to wives.  When husbands embrace their God given role as a leader, then the wife can embrace her call to the home.  Due to the fall, women do not eagerly submit themselves to the leadership of men.  Praise God for Christ work on the cross that we are now in a state of grace, grace that makes women submit and grace that empowers men to lead.  If husbands are to lead in a manner that their wives will trust them and submit to them, then they must be aware of grace.

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

 

The role of a husband is to lead his wife.  If a husband is unable to lovingly lead his wife, then he has failed as a leader.  Every leadership action must be done in love.  Correction cannot be brought if it is not mingled with care.  Each husband has married a sinner, just as each wife has married a sinner, so when sin is made evident, love is crucial to overcome the effects of sin (1 Peter 4:8).  A husband cannot put the gospel on display for his wife and the world cannot see Christ when the husband interacts with his wife if love is absent

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,” Ephesians 5:29

“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,” Ephesians 5:29

 

The call to be a husband is a call to die to self.  As a husband dies to his own selfish desires, he is enabled to better look to the needs of his wife.  A husband is called to look not only to his interest, but also to those of his wife (Philippians 2:4), this is the essence of nourishing and cherishing a wife.  With this definition of nourishing and cherishing a wife, it is impossible without the example of Christ and having him lead the way.  The Son of God became a servant endured the shame of the cross (Hebrews 12:4 and Philippians 2:7) for His bride.  Because Christ has gone before us, husbands can follow His model to nourish and cherish their brides.

“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:28

“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Ephesians 5:28

 

The goal of loving my wife as Christ has loved the church is a lofty goal, not just in reality, but also in conception.  I know I do not fully grasp Christ love for me, because if I did I probably wouldn’t sin as much as I do.  In reality, I worship God little, because I worship myself much.  Paul knows this sinful tendency that we all have and how many people often fall short of grasping the love that Christ has for us, so Paul conveys this idea in terms that sinful man is familiar with.  The way I am to love my wife is the way that I love myself.  To the extent that I love myself is the degree that I should love my wife, in other words, I should love my wife a lot.