The Fear Of The Lord and Purity (Based on Proverbs 7)

If we are truly wise and fear God in all of our ways then we will stay away from women that God has not allowed us to call our own.

Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words. (Proverbs 7:4-5 ESV)

The woman who wants me to forsake my vows will use smooth words to make me forget God’s Word, but if I fear God I will remember His calling on my life to live worthy of His calling.  He has called me friend and accounted Christ righteousness onto me, so therefore I should live rightly and seek to be pure in all my ways.

If I read further in Proverbs 7 it describes the ways of someone who does not fear God and how that leads to the trap of impurity:

For at the window of my house I have looked out through my lattice, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight, in the evening, at the time of night and darkness. (Proverbs 7:6-9 ESV)

In the passage above you will notice that the person that Solomon is referring to is someone simple and not wise, young and not mature, but most importantly they have a sense that is in tune with their flesh instead of with God.  This leads them to walk in the darkness of the night instead of in the light of the gospel.

And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart. She is loud and wayward; her feet do not stay at home; now in the street, now in the market, and at every corner she lies in wait. She seizes him and kisses him, and with bold face she says to him, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows; so now I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly, and I have found you. (Proverbs 7:10-15 ESV)

Not walking in the light leads him into a trap.  He meets a prostitute, but she doesn’t seem like a prostitute.  She appears religious because she has made her sacrifices and paid her vows.  She is a wolf’s in sheep clothing.  More importantly is a lion on the prowl seeking who she can devour because she is at every corner laying in wait for those not on guard.  This is the co-worker showing cleavage, the old acquaintance on facebook and who ever else Satan will use to find you.  She has a heart not focused on God, she does not care for that you are a son of the King.  She is loud and wants to distract you from the way that you have been called because the path is narrow.

With much seductive speech she persuades him; with her smooth talk she compels him. All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver; as a bird rushes into a snare; he does not know that it will cost him his life. (Proverbs 7:21-23 ESV)

for many a victim has she laid low, and all her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is the way to Sheol, going down to the chambers of death. (Proverbs 7:26-27 ESV)

She will make a compelling argument.  She may even be more seductive and offer to give you a delight that you do not normally receive and take a fill of love that you so eagerly long for (7:18), but know that this is a trap that will cost you your life.  What you reap you will sow.  A moment of indiscretion leads to destruction.  You are not her first victim and she is an expert at destroying the lives of men.  You cannot fight her on your own and should not over estimate your strength.  If she can slay a mighty throng she can surely slay you.  Involve yourself in a community of transparency, confess where your heart is prone to wander and turn from any thing that will lead you down the path of the adulterous woman so you can see the Gospel having more beauty and joy than anything she can offer.  Cling to the hope that you are powerless to resist on your own, but God’s spirit can you empower you with the help of others to live for Him.

For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths. (Proverbs 5:21 ESV)

When it comes to battling lust and pornography it is important to keep in mind three things: the good, the bad and what it means to be godly.  Here are some reflections taken from Proverbs 5 on this topic.

The Good:

As men we have a sex organ that is literally a fountain.  That fountain can either be frustrated (Proverbs 5:16-17) or it can be blessed.  The way it is blessed is by rejoicing in the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18).  I have been particularly struck by v. 19 in this Proverb, “be intoxicated always in her love.”  A beer does not make me intoxicated, but being intentional to drink the beer makes me intoxicated.  It isn’t just one drink either, but it’s going back to it continually.  It is the same way with my wife, I have to be intentional about setting her above all else and looking to her as what I find intoxicating and delightful at all times.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; – Proverbs 5:19

The Bad:

It may be easy to place blame on the wife and say she has a lower sex drive and isn’t interested having her breasts fill you.  That is blame shifting and we can still control what we desire.  The dire consequences of looking elsewhere to fulfill our fountains are extreme as well.  The one who looks to either breasts for delight will find himself saying, “I am at the brink of utter ruin (Proverbs 5:14).” The woman who wants to tempt you with her breasts online (or in real life) or in a friendship that doesn’t honor God or your marriage is one whose “feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; (Proverbs 5:5)” and she wants to take you with her.

The Godly:

If you are not married it can be easy to find this passage depressing because you don’t have a wife to delight in and our society and culture makes lust and pornography look not that wrong.  One of the things that I enjoy about this passage is that the reason for avoiding lust and pornography isn’t ultimate to protect marriage.  The motivating factor for purity isn’t your current spouse or future spouse, but it is God:

For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths. (Proverbs 5:21 ESV)

When you are tempted to flirt with that co-worker God’s eyes are on you and he knows the path your mind is going down.  When you are about to click on that link to the inappropriate website God’s eyes are on you and he knows the path your mind is going down.

When you look at the woman dressed inappropriate and start to undress her with your mind God’s eyes are on you and he knows the path your mind is going down.

This verse is why youth pastor’s would always say, imagine God is with you in the room/car/movie theater when you are on a date.  If you aren’t married and on a date God’s eyes are on you and he knows the intentions of your heart in regards to if you want to guard her purity or use her for sexual fulfillment even if you don’t have sex.

having a pure heart and free from infidelity and pornography

Proverbs 4:22 says that I must de diligent to keep a pure heart for from it flows the wellspring of life. The game plan for this starts with my speech. Am I being honest about my struggles? Am I speaking to other women in a way that glorifies God and my wife? Another important component is my eyes. Are they gazing directly ahead at my wife and seeing her for the blessing she is or am I looking elsewhere in a discontented manner. Lastly I must consider where I am going. Do I go to God for fulfillment or am I looking to the world to satisfy me? There is a narrow path I am called to and it is a path off righteousness that is paved by intentionality. If I am intentional about keeping my marriage vows I will pursue to be right in all of ways, thoughts and actions.

Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.
Put away from you crooked speech,
and put devious talk far from you.
Let your eyes look directly forward,
and your gaze be straight before you.
Ponder the path of your feet;
then all your ways will be sure.
Do not swerve to the right or to the left;
turn your foot away from evil.

(Proverbs 4:23-27 ESV)

Lust and Pornography Versus Fearing God

Nothing can compare to knowing God, not even pornography, masturbation or impure relationships. Fearing God will lead to blessing, but sexual sin always frustrates. The way of purity leads to pleasantness and peace, but impurity only leads to stress and death.

Blessed Is the One Who Finds Wisdom

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,
and the one who gets understanding,
for the gain from her is better than gain from silver
and her profit better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;
those who hold her fast are called blessed.

(Proverbs 3:13-18 ESV)

Deliverance From Sexual Sin

Not every man has to be enslaved to sexual sin. Proverbs 2:16 warns what happens if deliverance does not come which means that there must be a way to be delivered. Here are some of my notes on the first part of Proverbs 2 about where deliverance is found:

1)”knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.” deliverance comes from allowing yourself to be known, not having any areas hidden from others. Others should have full knowledge of your temptations and what the battle looks like including victory and defeat. (v. 10)

2)”he is a shield to those who walk in integrity” this is a life and death battle and we must cling tightly to the shield of faith. We can’t be too overconfident in our abilities without it. My God will guard me from every attack if I choose to not walk directly in the line of fire, but instead to walk in integrity by choosing the good path of righteousness and justice (v. 7-9)

3)”discretion will watch over you, understanding will guard you.” it is imperative to use common sense. Choose boundaries with relationships of the opposite sex. If you know there is a mine field do you walk in it. Understand what your temptations are and ensure you have hedges of protection. Remember, this is not a harmless matter, but life or death, so go into no situation blind to the dangers it may present. Always have a plan, for example, I am very tempted in the early morning so I need to have a concrete plan of things I want to accomplish when I wake up early because idle hands are typically seek out the forbidden woman for me (v. 11)

If you read this far I’d love to hear you find deliverance from sexual sin.

The Danger of Lust and Pornography

DEATH

So you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,
from the adulteress with her smooth words,
who forsakes the companion of her youth
and forgets the covenant of her God;
for her house sinks down to death,
and her paths to the departed;
none who go to her come back,
nor do they regain the paths of life.

(Proverbs 2:16-19 ESV)

The porn star, the woman in skimpy clothes and the one who flirts inappropriately all lead to death. The time spent investing in her never come back. The scars that affect others because of her never fully heal. She is called forbidden for a reason, she only comes to steal and destroy.

None who go to her come back. On my own strength I cannot leave just like how Lazarus could not leave the tomb until Jesus called him out. There is a deliverance that can be found because there is power in the blood of Christ. Despite that there is still a cost of sin that must be paid. Jesus paid the price for freedom, but there are still consequences. Contemplate your relationships with others are damaged by lust and pornography and magnify that by infinity and that is the grief that is given to the Holy Spirit.

Thanks be to God that there is a deliverance that can be had as referenced in v. 16. Next I will blog on Proverbs 2 about the deliverance it references.

Physical Boundaries Discussion Outlines

Conviction:  Safeguards and precautions that we have put in place by faith, to aid us in seeking God’s grace and guard us from sinning.
Legalism:  Adding anything to Scripture that isn’t there for the purpose of gaining favor with God for fear of losing our salvation and applying/enforcing that standard on all people everywhere.

Why is it better to form principles off of conviction instead of legalism?

• Conviction leads to strength
• Conviction leads to humility
• Conviction leads to repentance
• Conviction is based on the heart

• Legalism leads to doubts
• Legalism leads to pride
• Legalism leads to condemnation
• Legalism is based on action

How do we come to convictions?

• God’s Word
• Examples of Others
• Fearing God
• Input from others
• Prayer
• Impressions/Ministry of Holy Spirit
• Walking through repentance of sin

Four principles that should guard physical boundaries in relationships
1)Satisfying our hearts in God
Job 31:1
“I have made a covenant with my eyes;
how then could I gaze at a virgin?
Q:NIV uses “lust” instead of “gaze.”  where does lust come from?
A: Lust comes from the heart.  The first place we need to be concerned with as we set up physical boundaries is our hearts. (Matthew 5:27-30)
Q:How should we be active with guarding our hearts?
A:We need to seek to find complete satisfaction in God alone because lust will never satisfy us. (Jeremiah 2:11-13 and Psalm 37:4)

2)Righteousness
Romans 6:12-14
Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. 13 Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. 14 For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
Q:How are we called to act?
A:As instruments of righteousness
Q:How do we define righteousness?
A: Doing right comes from God’s holy standard.  Therefore, we should interact physically with our significant with a mindset of God being present and aware of what is going on in our hearts (Proverbs 5:21)
Q:What motivates this?
A:Grace and Christ sacrifice on the cross.  We are empowered through Christ death and resurrection to live pure.  We have been called to holiness and purity and God will not call us to anything that He won’t enable us to do.

3)Contentment with purity
Philippians 4:11
for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
Proverbs 27:20
Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied,
and never satisfied are the eyes of man.
Q: Why is contentment important with physical boundaries?
A: We will never be satisfied with our level of intimacy.  We are wired to want more.  Just like the eyes are never satisfied, nor are the hands or lips.
Q:Why do we do if there is a problem with our boundaries not being fun?
A: There is never a problem with our boundaries.  The problem is always with our hearts.  We need to remember what Psalm 16 says about the boundary lines falling for us in pleasant places.  There is no place more pleasant to be than on the path to holiness.  Relationships aren’t about getting what we want and our pleasure, but giving God glory.

“We understood the progressive nature of sexual involvement.  Once you start kissing, you want to move on.  We didn’t want to start what we couldn’t finish.  When a man and woman’s lips meet, and their tongues penetrate each other’s mouths, their process of becoming one has begun.”Josh Harris

4)Defining proper context for physical intimacy.
Song of Solomon 2:7
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love
until it pleases.
Song of Solomon 3:5
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the does of the field,
that you not stir up or awaken love
until it pleases.
Song of Solomon 8:4
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
that you not stir up or awaken love
until it pleases.
Q:What does it mean to not stir or awaken love until it pleases?
A:Hold off on doing anything physically intimate that can strengthen or arouse the desire for making love
Q:What is the purpose of physical intimacy in marriage?
A:In marriage physical intimacy is worship.  Outside of marriage, physical intimacy is about pleasure and becomes about objectifying the other person.
Q:what is the best way to gauge if the physical boundaries in place are stirring and awakening love before the proper time?
A:The question to ask ourselves is how can certain physical acts (kissing, cuddling, front hugs) bring us closer to God.  It is helpful to remember no one ever says after marriage that they wish they had been more physically intimate before marriage.

“They often ask where to draw the line for sexual activity outside of marriage.  What they are asking is how close they can to sin while still being without sin.  But there is already sin in their heart because they are seeking to get closer to sin and not closer to God.  The Bible says, “But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3).”  Thus, the issue is now where the line is, but when the time is. That is why the repeated refrain in the Song Solomon is a warning not “Stir or awaken love until it pleases.” ” Mark Driscoll

“Porn Again Christian” discussion

I am having the men in my small group read Mark Driscoll’s book “Porn Again Christian.” This is something that I’ve been wanting to do with them for a while since this book was made available for free online.  Below is the discussion that I prepared for them on the book.

At the end of Chapter 1 Driscoll says:

“God is honest and forthright about the truth and his people must not be so prudish as to try and speak in ways that are holier than their God. In our age of lewdness and perversion we, like our Father, must avoid crassness, while wisely and boldly speaking frankly about the joy and beauty of sexual intimacy when it is confined by the loving directions of the God who created both us and our desires. And, we must refuse to speak in sanitized clinical euphemisms like calling adulteries “affairs,” fornication “dating,” and perverts “partners” because God uses frank words for deplorable sin so we will feel its sickness without anesthesia.”

-Do you see lust as deplorable and sickning as God does? What does it look like to have a right reaction toward this sin?

-Do you view yourself as committing adultery against your future wife when you look lustfully at a woman?

In chapter 3 Driscoll states:

“However, throughout history men have been prone to obey the letter of the law on these matters, while violating the spirit…Practically, this all means that only you and God truly know your heart and, rather than trying to obey legalistic rules, you must be honest about the lusts in your heart and reduce those triggers that stimulate you.”

-very specifically, what does it look like for you to violate the Spirit of God’s commands about lust?

-What are your triggers and how do you fight them?

-Did chapter four change or inform the way you think of the dangers of pornography?

-How did chapter four help you think of what “beauty” is?

-Driscoll says in chapter four “In creation, we see the wise pattern that for every man his standard of beauty is not to be objectified, but rather it should simply be his wife. ” Since you guys are single, what does that mean for your standard of beauty?

-Can masturbation be separated from sexual thoughts? Why is this question important?

-What do you learn from chapter 7 about why and how to fight lust and sexual sin?

-in chapter 2 Driscoll talks about fear of the Lord and uses many verses to help us view sexual sin the way God wants to view it. Does anyone have any questions about these verses? Pray through each verse for greater conviction for ourselves and the singles ministry at CLC

These are the verses that Driscoll uses in chapter 2:

• 1 Peter 4:3
• 1 John 2:15-17
• 1 John 3:9
• 1 Corinthians 5:9-11
• 1 Corinthians 10:8
• 1 Corinthians 6:9-10